


loving you is easy

by campbellswolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Weekly Berena Fix, alllll the fluff, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-10-04 19:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17310434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/campbellswolfe/pseuds/campbellswolfe
Summary: A collection of drabbles for the Weekly Berena Fix.





	1. snuggle

**Author's Note:**

> you can decide whether you read this as bernie or as serena. <3

It’s been a long time since she dared to love anyone. A long time since she had lay in anyone else’s arms. And now, here she is. Wrapped, and enfolded and protected. Her own arms around the beloved. The beloved’s arms around her. They protect each other.  
   
She can’t remember the last time she felt so safe and loved. Perhaps when she was a child. She used to climb into her mother’s bed for hugs. Sometimes she used to pretend she’d had a nightmare just so she could snuggle in with her. It was so easy then, to know that she was loved. Love was the air she breathed.  
   
She wakes several times, and every time she feels such sweetness. Breath on her hair.  
   
In the early morning she wakes again. It’s still dark and now she’s alone in her bed. Her heart hurts with it. _Stupid woman._ She should have known. She did know.  
   
They always leave.  
   
She covers her face with her forearm, rolls onto her side.  
   
But she hasn’t left. She’s in the kitchen. She watches her, wiping down the surfaces, putting dry dishes away, sipping a coffee as she goes. She blinks back sudden tears, and is not ashamed. There’s a future now, she knows. They’ll look after each other. She’ll look after her.  
   
She forgives her, she loves her.  
   
Perhaps she can forgive and love herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m going to try my best to come up with something for these prompts every week, i won’t promise anything though!
> 
> whilst my heart still mourns for berena, i still have a lot of feels and i think the best thing to do is to get them written down. holbs might have destroyed all else but they can’t take our headcanons + fic away from us. <3
> 
> as always, your comments and support always make my day! i love hearing feedback!


	2. scar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you find scars a bit of a tricky subject, in whatever context, pls go into this with caution! it’s still fluffy but i know it can be triggering for some. enjoy <3

Serena is stood behind Bernie, both facing the mirror. Bernie’s shirt is just about to be put over her head until Serena stops her, and steps forward so she is almost flush against her. 

Serena’s fingers skim lightly over Bernie’s back, down the side of her neck, and across the two dark lines on her upper arm, slowly taking in the rough texture of the raised discolorations of the otherwise soft skin. It’s such a foreign concept to her. The idea of getting a wound that is deep enough to scar, the idea of living a life that runs the risk of getting such a wound. 

They have never spoken about it, Bernie’s time in the army, but hazy looks, the worrying of her bottom lip and then downcast eyes have all told her in that very moment, that the scars do not invoke the same sense of fascination in her partner. She would let Bernie set the pace for this.

Serena’s heart sinks for a moment and she almost pulls her hand back to let them fall into a short uncomfortable silence. She’s tired of ignoring the issue but it breaks her heart to see Bernie feeling self-concious because of something Serena finds so interesting. So beautiful and brave too.

She leans forward, pressing her lips to one of the smaller scars on Bernie’s neck, before scattering tender kisses in a trail along the shape of the scar bisecting down her chest. Bernie makes a small noise of confusion, trying to crane her neck to look over her shoulder, but Serena just pats lightly at her hip, a touch of reassurance. Her lips travel to the next scar on her ribs to the one on her stomach, and the next, and so on.

Bernie eventually tells her all about each one, the wilder stories of her time in the army taking a bit longer. Serena just listens and keeps her eyes soft and non-judgemental. She murmurs words like ‘beautiful,’ ‘wonderful,’ ‘brave’ and ‘brilliant’ after each kiss to her skin and Bernie struggles to keep her tears at bay. 

Serena spins Bernie around, swipes the tears threatening to spill and places a kiss to the last visible scar she can see which she knows lies on Bernie’s forehead, covered by her fringe. Thinks it’s her favourite one. 

She kisses her lips after paying it some attention.

“I love you. I love all of you. Your past, scars, warts and all.” Serena winks. Bernie lets out a dry laugh followed by a soft sob, shaking her head and kissing Serena once more. She doesn’t know what she did to deserve such love and care. _Finally,_ she thinks.

-

She would later discover the copious small lines scattered across Serena’s back. Serena will tell her all about her mother’s struggle with dementia, from the start to the very end, about how her rings were so sharp but how she carried on because what was the alternative?

Bernie will kiss each one in return, touch each one with her finger tips, give each one her undivided attention, and she will tell Serena how brave she is. She will tell Serena she loves her over and over again, something she will never tire of doing. 

-

They both lay facing each other, the soft blanket just short of covering their shoulders, both gazing into each others eyes. No words needed to be spoken after their outpouring of love and admiration for one another just a few hours earlier.

Bernie has eight scars on the outside of her body.

Serena has fifteen of her own.

They haven’t yet figured out how to count the ones on the inside. But they will. _Together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls do leave kudos and comments, they make my day!


	3. jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set before the first kiss/kiev shenanigans, robbie was a friend serena mentioned in passing to bernie but uh.... then bernie sees smth. take is as their first kiss(es), if you will ;)

“So… you and Robbie are a thing then?” Bernie tried to keep her voice steady and unaffected as she spoke, despite the horrible twisting in her stomach. She noticed him kissing Serena goodbye as she left his car in the morning outside the hospital doors.

Serena sighed. “Yes. Well, no. I don’t know. It was just a one off thing.” 

“You don’t sound too enthused about it,” Bernie pushed. 

“Well neither do you.”

_Shit._ Bernie stared squarely into Serena’s eyes, waiting to see if she would break their silence first. 

“Why does it upset you?” Serena finally asked, her voice soft. 

It was Bernie’s turn to heave a deep sigh. How the hell was she supposed to explain that she had fallen in love with her best friend? That she had hoped the flirting had been real, and not just a nervous response to Bernie’s own comments, which had been genuine? After weeks of pining over her, and thinking it was reciprocated, her stomach churned this morning at the sight of their kiss.

_Fuck. Of course she is straight._

Her stomach turned again, and she got angry; before she knew it, she had taken the two steps to close the gap between them and pressed her lips against Serena’s. 

Serena didn’t respond, too shocked and busy trying to process what was happening. Bernie pulled away.

“That’s why,” was all she said after a painful five seconds of silence, and then Bernie turned on her heel and ran.

-

Twenty minutes later, Serena found her sat on the steps on the roof, head in her hands and shoulders slightly bobbing up and down. She perched down beside her, Bernie quickly swiping her eyes and coughing to remove the lump in her throat. She straightened up but wouldn’t look Serena in the eyes. 

“Robbie was a one off because I was trying to work out what my feelings were for you, if they were real, if I was just being silly. Oh, I don’t know.”

Bernie turned slightly. Serena clasped her hand tightly within her own, hoping Bernie wouldn’t run away. Not again. 

“Did you find your answer?” Bernie said, her voice wavering, willing herself not to cry anymore. Maybe the responses to her flirting the past couple of weeks hadn’t been half hearted, and they actually meant something. Serena might actually feel the same way back. 

Serena nodded. Bernie’s shoulders rose and she looked hopeful. 

Serena leaned forward and pressed her lips to Bernie’s forehead, her cheeks, and eventually her lips. Over and over again. She couldn’t get enough. 

“Does that answer your question, darling?”

Bernie nodded, smiling through the unshed tears in her eyes. Her heart was soaring. But frowned slightly and asked an unanswered question.

“What about Robbie?”

“He’s dealt with. Sent him a text ten minutes ago to say I wouldn’t be seeing him again. Oh, what will I do with you, you jealous fool?” 

Bernie bit her lip, a smirk starting to appear on her face.

“Kiss me again?”

Serena didn’t need asking twice.


	4. laughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever written and I miss them so much but enjoy it anyway LMAO.

It was a lazy afternoon, one of the rare days Serena managed to finish everything she had to do and could give herself the luxury of relaxing after a week of long shifts. Bernie and Serena were lying in bed together, quiet, but neither of them could stand to be in peace for too long.

Serena began to slowly trace her fingertips up Bernie’s spine, eliciting a shiver from the blonde. She knows fine well that it’s one of Bernie’s ticklish spots but she keeps on doing it anyway. Without warning, Bernie launched an attack on Serena for a change, tickling her without mercy. Under her, Serena laughed desperately, trying to escape and fight back, but Bernie shifted, placing part of her body weight over Serena to hold her in place.

Serena laughed until she could barely breathe, and it took all of her control to speak. 

“Please… I’ll do anything… stop….” she begged, still laughing.

“Anything? Will you marry me?” Bernie asked, with a hesitant smile, still carrying on.

“Yes!” Serena yelled without thinking, without even considering the words.

Bernie stopped and laid by her side, allowing her to recover her breathing. She couldn’t take her eyes off her, Serena was flustered and had her lips half open. She looked absolutely kissable, but Bernie knew that she had to give her a chance to get her breathing back to normal first.

Serena needed a minute to calm down, and when she eventually turned, Bernie was looking at her with a hopeful look. The earlier words finally caught up with her. “For real?” she asked with a smile.

Bernie lowered her eyes, and nodded. “Yes.” She really meant it, even though the proposal wasn’t planned.

Serena grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her to really seal the deal. When they separated, Bernie started tickling her again.

“Hey! I agreed to marry you. You are supposed to stop!” Serena said laughing. She managed to get her hands onto Bernie’s ribs, playing her at her own game. 

Bernie is then the first to give up as Serena struggles once more, but does not mind. Losing doesn't feel like a defeat when Serena laughs.


	5. staring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s 2:30am and i’m just emo over the thought of these two stargazing so.... here you go :)
> 
> *set after the first kiss, another take of all the shiz that happened between that and kiss #2*

Bernie had just managed to catch a break after working half of her twelve hour shift. She noticed Serena wasn’t in the office upon her arrival, she was hoping to sit down and have a chat about their, rather awkward, dalliance that happened on the theatre floor just a few days ago. 

They had been dancing around one another on the ward, one trying to hide from the other, awkward smiles and mumbling when being forced to speak to each other about a patient. Bernie wasn’t sorry for how she acted, she just wished she knew how to articulate better, to let Serena know it wasn’t a mistake, it wasn’t just the heat of the moment. She had been wanting this for weeks. 

She remembers Serena’s favourite hiding place when she needs a bit of space. The roof. 

-

As Bernie opens the door, she quickly spots that her presence is known. Serena’s shoulders go stiff and she sits up straight, as if she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t be. 

Bernie closes the door behind her and slowly walks over to sit on the stairs on the opposite side of Serena. She notices Serena’s gaze is still firmly set on the sky above her, she thinks she knows exactly what Serena might be pondering over. 

“I’ve been looking for you. Is everything alright?”

Bernie tightens her grip on her hoodie that is clumsily draped around her shoulders as she waits for Serena’s response. 

“Mm, yes. I’m fine.” 

Serena gives her a little smile and turns her face quickly, before staring back up at the sky. Bernie takes this as confirmation that Serena does not want to speak about what happened between them. Not here, not yet, Bernie respects that. She tries a different path of conversation. 

Bernie points up to the sky. “There! See that that line of stars? Almost like a ‘w’?”

“No. I don’t. I’m hopeless.”

“No you aren’t,” Bernie laughed. She took Serena’s warm hand in hers and nestled in closer to her. She aims their hands in the air, Bernie’s finger mapping out the constellation. “Look, it’s right there. At the tip of your finger.” 

Now it was Serena’s turn to laugh. “Oh, yes. Of course. How could I have missed it?”

Bernie kept hold of her hand, bringing them back down to their sides and turned to look at her.

“It’s called Cassiopeia. The brightest and always easily recognisable. If you know it, that is. Now you do. It’s also forty times larger in diameter than the sun.”

Bernie tucked a straying strand of hair behind her ear. Serena had been staring at Bernie the whole time she was speaking, not even noticing herself that her gaze had now shifted. She just felt like she was falling deeper and deeper in love with this wonderful fool, she appreciated the efforts Bernie was going to to try and make some conversation. She wasn’t exactly laying her cards on the table in this moment. 

“I find it all so fascinating. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed having someone to bore with my useless facts.”

Bernie nudges her shoulder, gaining a laugh from Serena. They turn to face each other, finally. 

Serena speaks first. “You haven’t bored me. I think you’ve been very courteous with your attempts of easing the awkwardness. I’ve been rather silly and have hidden away from everything that’s happened since we... you know... kissed. It’s quite sweet actually. Anyway, you said you were looking for me?”

“I was.”

“For the same reasons I’m thinking? Certainly not about bloody stars, that’s for sure.”

Bernie shakes her head, letting out a small honk of laughter. “Actually,” she starts, her voice cracking slightly, “I just wanted your company. I’ve missed you.”

Serena feels her stomach flip and her cheeks begin heat up. She has to make this right, for both of their sakes. She can see how hard Bernie is trying. 

Serena leans forward and brushes her lips against Bernie’s jaw, her nose buried in her unruly blonde locks. She puts her hand on Bernie’s shoulder before dipping her head slightly to meet Bernie’s lips for a gentle kiss. It feels brief, she hopes she has judged this well.

Serena pulls back, her eyes flutter open as she gazes up at Bernie, just making sure she has done the right thing. They are silent again. 

Bernie leans back in, wrapping her arms around Serena’s shoulders. Serena’s hand comes up to cup the back of Bernie’s head, fingers getting tangled in her hair. They kiss and kiss and can’t seem to bring themselves to stop. Until Serena pauses to taje a breath and they’re both brought back to reality, back to where they are. Snogging on the roof of the hospital like a couple of teenagers. 

Bernie’s arms loosen around Serena as she sits back and shyly tucks her hair behind her ear once more. She gazes up at the stars again for a moment before looking back at Serena, a smile spreading across her lips.

“I wonder if there are other versions of us out there and they found each other like we have.”

“If there are, then I hope that they have so that they don’t miss out on moments like this,” Serena replies.

“I hope so too.”


	6. morocco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck knows what this is but enjoy it anyway xoxo

So,” Serena murmured into the crook of Bernie’s neck as she snuggles into her side, “where do you want to go on holiday next?”

“I don’t really mind,” Bernie replied as she curls her arm around Serena’s shoulders and shifts to rest her cheek on the top of her head. “Somewhere warm maybe? I don’t want to have to bundle up in giant fleeces again after that trip to Austria last year.”

“You’d have thought we would have checked when their peak winter times were,” Serena grumbled, shifting horizontally on the couch to settle her chest flush against Bernie’s. “It was bloody freezing.”

“We definitely mis-judged the temperatures. It was fun finding other ways to warm up too though, I suppose,” Bernie drawled out with a chuckle. 

Serena’s lips twitched upward into a smile at the teasing sound of Bernie’s voice, and the way that the woman’s fingers combed through her hair comfortingly at the same time. “Hmm... I suppose you’re right.” 

“Always am,” Bernie allowed with a quiet chuckle, “why the question anyway?”

“Oh, I’ve got some holiday days to spend and all of this babysitting for Guinevere whilst Greta and Jason have been unwell has really taken it’s toll on me, I think it would be nice to get away,” Serena explained with a bright smile. “And, I was thinking, it’s been a while since we went anywhere…”

“I see…” Bernie hummed. “So, where does super aunt want to go?”

Serena poked Bernie’s side in jest. “Enough of that. Somewhere warm sounds good though,” Serena murmured as she straddles Bernie’s hips. “Maybe a beach somewhere.”

“I know your game.” Bernie purrs as she loops her hands around Serena’s neck. “You just want to get me into a bikini.”

“Well,” Serena dipped her head to catch Bernie’s lips in a tender kiss, “would you blame me if I did?”

“Not at all.” Bernie breathed out, and slid her hands up into the short locks of Serena’s dark hair to tug the woman down into a second, longer, kiss. “Only fair if you get into one too though.” 

Serena groans before allowing herself to be pulled down once more by Bernie. 

-

Serena swallowed hard, her heart hammering in her chest, and the book clutched in her hands groaned under the pressure of her fingertips as she watched Bernie’s slender form emerge from the ocean waves. She eyed the firm, and flat, plane of Bernie’s stomach and watched the release of her muscles as she walked up the length of the Moroccan beach back to her. 

Serena’s tongue poked out to wet her suddenly dry lips when she caught sight of the soft smirk on Bernie’s lips.

“See something you like?” Bernie teased when she came to a stop in front of Serena’s feet and cocked one eyebrow inquiringly.

“I…” Serena stammered, her eyes flickering back and forth between the wet skin of Bernie’s stomach and the woman’s darkening brown eyes, before finally, “I love the beach,” slips out of her mouth. 


	7. rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a land far, far away from canon....

Guinevere had gotten into a routine of coming to her Auntie Serena’s and Auntie Bernie’s house every Thursday for a sleepover. It was always the highlight of her week and however tiring and stressful, it was the highlight of Bernie and Serena’s too. They always had Thursdays off with the exception of being on call should the hospital urgently need them. They manage a good five weeks without either of them being called in, the streak eventually being broken after a serious RTC occurs one early morning. 

Serena rushes into work, Bernie being left to her own devices with looking after Guinevere for the day. Both Jason and Greta are now back working therefore there was no one else to help. Bernie doesn’t mind though. She’s never had quality one on one time with her grand-niece yet and she was looking forward to it. 

The massive downpour of rain outside didn’t stop Bernie from making it the best and most fun day possible for Guinevere. They make an indoor den from blankets and duvets, she even strings up some fairy lights inside which fascinates the toddler. They draw pictures and finger paint onto paper and Guinevere almost manages to turn her pretty pink shirt into a green one, Bernie takes a mental note to throw it in the wash before Serena gets home. They have a rather disasterous attempt at making little cupcakes, half of the mixture ending up on the surfaces rather than in the cake cases. It is the most fun Bernie has had in a very long time, she hopes she will get more days like this. Nothing warms her heart more than hearing the utter joy in Guinevere’s hearty giggle. 

-

Bernie reads Guinevere a bedtime story, stroking her hair until she eventually falls asleep, kissing her temple gently before leaving the room. Just as she comes down the stairs, Serena comes through the front door, dropping her bag and keys on the table in front of her. 

They chat on the sofa for a while over cups of tea before departing to their own bed. The day beginning to catch up with both of them. 

As always, Bernie lies close to her beloved wife, clinging to her for warmth and finds herself falling asleep in a matter of seconds, before Serena can start rambling about her day.

Serena knows how tiring it is rushing around after a little toddler all day, it’s all she ever seemed to do in Bernie’s absence, it was a good way to take her mind off of missing Bernie though. However, now that she is back from Nairobi for good, she is overjoyed that they can now share the responsibilities and the memories of little Guinevere growing up, together.   
   
-  
   
Serena wakes in the middle of the night noticing three things. The first thing she notices is the empty space next to her in the bed. The second thing is the loud and heavy rain thudding off of the window beside her, and lastly, she hears the very faint sound of sobbing from the hallway. It doesn’t take her long to put two and two together. 

She slowly makes her way to the spare room that has now become Guinevere’s, trying to be as silent as possible. Serena opens the door wide enough to see what is going on without being caught. What she sees is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time. There she was, her missing wife, hugging a crying Guinevere, holding her close in an attempt to comfort her. 

Bernie was murmuring soft words of comfort to the little girl, almost humming as she does so, rocking her back and forth in the attempts to calm her down. The loud noises of rain and thunder clearly terrifying the toddler. 

“You’re alright. It’s all okay.”

Guinevere’s sobs eventually turn into little snuffles and her grip on Bernie’s pyjama top loosens and gentle snores come from the little person cradled in the blonde’s arms. Bernie kisses her head and strokes the hair from her face before laying them both down to sleep. She continues to speak softly into her ear. 

“The noises can’t hurt you, it’s just a little bit of rain. You’re okay, love. I’m here.” 

Serena can’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes, she smiles to herself and wonders what in the world did she ever do before Bernie came into her life. As she walks back to her own room safe in the knowledge that two of the most important people in her life are safe and content, she feels an immense wave of gratefulness and is so full of love for the woman she now calls her wife.


	8. flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wee snippet from the Imagine Me & You // Berena crossover I wrote a while ago. This is my favourite part of the film and this chapter fits well with this weeks prompt.
> 
> I’m cheating slightly but whatever, I loved writing this last year.

It turns out Bernie’s idea of a good night out is watching Arsenal play a home game whereas Serena was angling more for a night in the pub guzzling the finest Shiraz they had to offer.

As much as Serena was beginning to warm to football, through Robbie and now hopefully Bernie, she found her attention drifting from the pitch and onto the woman sat next to her. Bernie’s reactions to the game were just about as entertaining, if not more entertaining, than the game itself. At least in Serena’s eyes. The passion and happiness radiating off of Bernie was warming her heart as the game went on.

The gasps, the jumping out of her seat, the ‘oh shits,’ the sighs of relief. They were all too endearing to her. Her upper arm would receive two quick squeezes every time Bernie caught her staring. It was her silent way of telling her to focus on the game, whilst also noting Serena’s eyes were always on her.

— — — — 

“You know, you’re kind of shrill.”

“What?” Serena was struggling to hear over the crowd chanting songs and cheering on their favourite teams. She was joining in but not really being heard.

“When you shout. If you want the opposite team to hear your abuse more clearly, you’ve got to project it.”

“Teach me.”

Bernie liked a challenge. “First off, tighten your stomach muscles.”

Serena laughed and self-consciously wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t think I’ve got any, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. We all do. They are right here.” Bernie placed her hand on Serena’s middle, eliciting a small gasp from the brunette. Bernie ignored it and continued.

“Next you have to broaden your diaphragm.”

“My what?”

They both shared a laugh. Bernie moved her hand painfully slowly up Serena’s stomach and just below her heart. “It’s here.”

“Oh.”

“Push it out against my hand. Can you feel my hand?”

Serena tried her best, although having the hand of the woman she thought she might be beginning to fancy placed so near her chest, was proving to be rather distracting for her. 

“Perhaps if you put both of your hands there?”

Bernie moved to stand behind Serena and placed both of her hands just above Serena’s stomach, ignoring the way they both moulded together like their bodies were made for each other. It felt so _right._

“Okay. Now for the big one. Imagine the roof of your mouth is a cathedral.”

“Now you’ve lost me.” Serena scoffed.

“Come on! I’m being serious.”

“Listen, Bernie, the muscles and the diaphragm, I’m with you but-”

“It’s a space thing. Your mouth is that big that you have to fill it with sound from deep within, filling the space and then throwing it back out.”

“Like how? I’m not used to this.”

Bernie cleared her throat. “Uh, like this.”

The sound of Bernie screaming _you’re a wanker number nine_ at the top of her lungs echoed all around them and all eyes ended up being on the two women rather than the match. Serena couldn’t help but look on in awe, despite feeling nervous that so many people were looking at them rather angrily. The Bernie she was thought was reserved and shy was well and truly thrown out of the window that night. 

“Christ, that’s some noise. You must do this a lot?”

Bernie went back into her awkward and reserved nature, looking up at Serena from behind her over-grown fringe.

“You could say I’m an avid Gooner.”

“I don’t even want to know what that means. Anyway, where are we off to next?”

— — — — 

As they both exited the stadium pressed tightly from wrist to shoulder due to the huge crowds also heading the same way as they were, a big grin never left Bernie’s face after her team won by a long shot. 

“I don’t care where we go. You choose, honestly.”

“I could go something red and fruity. What about you?”

“I know just the place.”

— — — — 

After polishing off a whole bottle of Shiraz between them, Serena grabbed Bernie’s hand and looked at her with pleading eyes.

“I feel like dancing.”

Bernie rolled her eyes and tutted. She did notice the sign upon entering the bar that said ‘70s and 80’s night’ but didn’t think old cheesy pop music would be up Serena’s street but how wrong she was.

“Oh, go on then. I do have to warn you though, I only consider myself a half decent dancer after I’ve consumed at least three whiskeys and a few shots, so my apologies if I have two left feet.”

Just as they both stood on their feet, the intro to The Time Warp began to blare from all four of the huge speakers surrounding them. They looked in each other’s eyes, Serena’s sparkling with sheer joy, she gives Bernie a wink and runs past a big hoard of people straight into the middle of the dance floor.

 

_Time is fleeting_

 

Bernie approached gingerly, chastising herself for knowing there is an entire dance routine to this song but not being able to remember it. Damn it.

 

_Madness takes it’s toll_

 

Serena pointed over at her whilst mouthing the lyrics, pouting when Bernie wouldn’t join her in dancing. Everyone around Serena knowing instantly that she was a dab hand at this particular routine so they began forming a big circle around her.

Bernie watched on from the sidelines, it was nice to see Serena let go and enjoy herself, the confidence was probably coming from the wine but it warmed her heart all the same.

Taking pity on Bernie, Serena steered her to a less-populated area of the dance floor and laid her hands on Bernie’s upper arms. _She can teach me how to shout and scream, I’ll show her how to dance._

“All you have to do is follow the lyrics. Put your hands on your hips.”

Bernie did as she was told.

Serena came to stand behind her - she too felt how their bodies were a perfect match - she spoke in Bernie’s ear whilst also doing the next action. Her velvety voice sending shivers down Bernie’s spine.

“Bring your knees in tight.”

Bernie inhaled sharply as Serena’s hands moved to her waist and she pushed them forward slightly to move statically in a circle.

 

_It’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insa-a-aaaane_

 

Serena sprang away from her to face her and shouted at the top of her lungs. “LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!”

 

They continued dancing together until the end of the song, Bernie still not really getting the hang of it but she tried her best. The room soon being filled by a different song of the 80s. 

_I’m not in love_

_So don’t forget it_

_It’s just a silly phase I’m going through_

 

Their eyes met instantly as they noticed everyone starting to pair off into couples around them. 

Serena just shrugged, she took one of Bernie’s hands and placed the other on the blonde’s shoulder. Bernie followed suit by holding on tight to Serena’s hand and placing her arm around her back. Neither were sure whose palms were sweating, neither really caring too much. 

They swayed in time to the beat of the song, the lyrics resonating with them both for different reasons. They both wrapped one another up in a hug but still moved from side to side. 

Bernie whispered something into Serena’s ear but it went unheard, the loud music drowning her out. 

Serena only tightened her hold as Bernie tried to move away. “What did you say?”

“I just said thank you for coming toni- uh, thank you for coming out with me I mean.”

Serena felt all warm and fuzzy, she stepped back from Bernie’s embrace to look at her in the eyes. 

“No need to thank me, we should do it more often though. It’s been wonderful.”

“I’d like that.”

They danced a while longer before deciding to call it a night. Serena decided they would take the long walk home, not really wanting the night to end just yet.

— — — — 

Serena’s house was on the way to Bernie’s, the blonde insisted on walking her right to her front door to make sure she was back safe and sound. 

They exchanged small talk about their week, about Bernie’s shop and how that all came about, and about Jason too. Bernie was extremely fond of him. The two formed an instant bond at Serena’s wedding and he now sends Bernie a million and one emails whenever he gets computer time at school, just letting her know all about his new projects and she often helps in any way she can. 

Serena was intrigued by Bernie’s knowledge of flowers. She asked her about a few different types but wanted to know about one in particular.

“Tell me about the lily?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know about the lily.” Bernie tried to change the topic, knowing this conversation could change everything between them. She couldn’t ruin this.

“But it’s my favourite.”

A lengthy silence filled the air as they walked on until Bernie spoke again. 

“Why don’t you ask me about the azalea?”

Serena seemed confused but went along with it. “Alright then. What’s the azalea all about?”

“The azalea means ‘may you achieve financial security.’”

Serena groaned. “Lovely but rather dull. Now tell me about the lily.”

“The lily means…”

Bernie cleared her throat, tried to muster up some bravery.

“The lily means ‘I dare you to love me.’”

They both looked at each other whilst still walking ahead, they were starting to get closer to Serena’s house, both trying to prolong the time they had before parting ways for who knows how long until they see each other again. Smiles formed on their faces, neither on being able to figure out the meaning behind them, chastising themselves for their minds even going _there._

As they crossed the street, they stopped just outside Serena’s front door. It was high up on a hill, big steps lead up to the front door so they were out of sight from anyone. 

Bernie tried to rid of the awkwardness that was slowly but surely filling the air between them. _Should’ve just made up some bollocks about the flower meaning happiness or good health. Shit._

“Well, thanks again for this evening.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“It was my birthday, actually.”

“BERNIE! No? Today? You should have said! It’s mine next week.”

Bernie smiled, let out the nervous breath she’d been holding in awaiting Serena’s response. 

“Well then, we’re practically twins. I don’t usually bother with it.” She tucked parts of her straying fringe behind her ears. “My mother and I were supposed to go to the game, but she cancelled. She’s a bit… lost… at the moment.”

Serena looked at her with understanding eyes, squeezing Bernie’s shoulder with the hopes it would bring her some comfort. She hoped also she’d hear more of the story behind that another day. 

“Anyway, this is you. I wouldn’t want you getting cold standing around chatting to me all night. It’s been lovely seeing you, Serena.”

“You too, Bernie.”

Neither of the two women made way to move, both rooted to the spot in front of one another. Until Serena leaned forward, closest to Bernie she has ever been, one arm resting on her shoulder and her face tilted to one side. _So close just to-_

She let out a shaky breath as she closed her eyes and waited for Bernie to close the gap between them.

The sound of a car beeping their horn at them as it drove past brought them both crashing back to reality. Serena just smiled nervously, crossing her arms and pointing up to her house. 

“I should-”

“Yeah, yep, off you go.”

Serena leaned in quick to place a kiss to Bernie’s cheek, turned on her heel and skipped on up the steps to her house. 

The entire right side of Bernie’s face now felt like it was on fire. 

She didn’t know what this meant for them, part of her had a thought of what she hoped it could be but was always certain that feeling was one-sided on her part. Maybe, just maybe, she was wrong. 

Bernie cupped her cheek and walked off into the night with a beaming smile breaking out on her face and butterflies swirling around in her stomach.

— — — — 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to read the whole thing - [click here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290462/chapters/30414579)


	9. strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always wished we had gotten to see bernie supporting serena through her mother’s dementia & eventual death, i think those would have been some really lovely scenes. but alas, our bernie was a couple of years too late to the show for that so here is a wee something of that... *they are together in this fic*

The remaining guests that attented the wake for Serena’s mother were eventually starting to disappear. It was getting late but Bernie had promised to see everyone out and clean up afterwards, dismissing anyone’s offers of assistance and thanking them all for coming. 

Serena excuses herself just before the last few guests start to leave, she was getting tired of the same niceties that people usually say at these types of things and it was beginning to upset her. Bernie notices, but just lets her go off realising that Serena needs some time to herself. She asks if she’s okay and with a tiny nod for an answer, Bernie kisses her cheek and says she’ll check on her in a bit. 

Serena tucks herself away in the big arm chair in her conservatory at the back of the house, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet beneath her as she watches the rain and wind rage against the windows from the outside. She hears the front door shut for the final time and then silence. At last. She feels a sense of relief. 

She hears Bernie shuffling around for some time getting the front room and the kitchen all tidied up and looking some kind of normal again. She is grateful.

The silence is eventually disturbed by a creak of the floorboards and timid footsteps beginning to approach the room she was sitting in. Serena turns and forces a smile at the blonde, who is looking back at her with worry in her eyes.

“Serena,” Bernie says on a soft breath, not wanting to startle her. “What are you doing through here? It’s freezing. Come upstairs with me, love.”

Serena turns back to the window. 

“I like to be alone in here. It’s nice.”

Bernie doesn’t understand why those three words had stung like a slap across her face. She doesn’t want to leave her but she takes her response as a hint. She wonders if she should maybe just slip away and head back to her flat, just to let Serena have the place to herself for the night. She doesn’t want to add any more stress or grief to her situation. Whatever Serena needs, she would give her. 

Bernie leans over and strokes Serena’s cheek to get her attention again, trailing her hand to her shoulder before giving a quick squeeze. 

“Look, I’ll head off, Serena. Everything is cleaned up, there’s leftovers in the fridge and the kettle’s just about boiled if you fancy a coffee. If you need anything, I’m a call away.”

As she turns to make way for the door, Serena takes her hand and tugs gently, signalling for Bernie to sit next to her. 

Serena’s voice was barely audible above the rumble of the storm outside. “Wait. Bernie, don’t... don’t leave. I don’t want to be alone tonight. Just for a while, I... I needed a bit of space from it all. I’m sorry.”

Bernie wraps her arms around Serena’s shoulders, pulling her close and resting her head snug against Serena’s. “You don’t have to apologise. I’m here. I’ll stay. Anything you want.”

Serena is whispering now as she curls herself into Bernie’s side, face tucking into the crook of her neck and Bernie can feel the wetness of tears. 

“I—I think I... just want to be held.” 

Serena sighs into the hug as Bernie squeezes tighter. She can feel the hard press of Bernie’s muscles against her, the soft scratch of her hair against her face, the smell of soap and cigarettes that eternally surrounded Bernie. She decides in that moment that this is her most favourite place to be. 

Bernie’s eyes stay locked on the storm, the lightning bottled in her eyes, but she reaches back with one hand and weaves her fingers through Serena’s short hair, massaging her head, pulling her closer. 

Serena breathes deep, a contented smile slowly appearing on her face for the first time since her mother’s death. They cling together like this for a while, Serena feeling safe as ever in the strong arms of her love. Bernie pouring every ounce of her love and care into the hug, hoping that Serena will feel and hear everything she can’t quite put into words. 

_You’re going to be just fine_

_You’re strong and so brave_

_I’ll look after you_

_I love you_


End file.
